Thankful in the New Year

There have been some instances where I wish I could write my baby a ‘Thank You’ note.  Thank you for not being hungry or tired or dirty at this exact moment.  Thank you for not crying when I’m crying.  Thank you for smiling at me when I need to see it the most.   Those moments when you think everything is going wrong, and you look over to see a peaceful baby without a care in the world… those are the moments when I am most grateful.

See below:

January 1, 2019

David decided to cook cabbage and pork for the New Year holiday.  We discussed maybe having the prep work done before he got home since he had to work.  I was off work and I wouldn’t mind chopping veggies.  However, he decided he wanted to chop the vegetables himself.  In addition to the fact that I’m not consistent in my chopping, he really wanted to use his new Wusthof knife.  When he got home from work, I sat the baby in the kitchen floor in what we call the “froggy sit me up.”  He was happy, smiling and curious.  He loves watching his surroundings.  I sat in the kitchen floor talking to him and singing to him.

During David’s dinner preparation, he cut the tip of his thumb off.  He knew it was pretty severe right when it happened.  He held it over the sink as he told me he had cut himself.  We put a rubberband on his thumb to hopefully slow the bleeding.  We kept it elevated for the same reason.  I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his thumb.  Baby boy was watching quietly during the entire event.

Then, things got scary.  My husband is tough, but he faints sometimes.  He lost too much blood, and he told me he was feeling lightheaded.  He asked for something to drink and I grabbed him a Powerade.  I told him to sit on his butt on the floor so we don’t add a nasty fall to his injuries.  As I sat there waiting with a bandaid, I watched the color of his face change from a beautifully olive tone to a yellowish white.  He had no color in his lips and his eyes were rolling to the back of his head.  I kept talking to him …

“David, can you hear me?”

“David… David… David”

“Babe, can you hear me?”

He didn’t respond, and my heart started pounding.  My mind raced with thoughts of how to proceed.  Do I call 9-1-1?  Do I pour water on his face?  Should I slap him and see if that works?  It felt like the longest couple of minutes of my life.  I grabbed his Powerade and put it to his lips.  After pouring the beverage in his mouth, he finally responded.  He drank the rest of the Powerade and a bottle of water.  His color came back to his face, and he started to feel better.

He told me he could hear me during the episode, but he couldn’t respond.  I tried not to be too upset, but it was scary.  Thankfully, my baby boy sat there during the whole event quietly watching and waiting.  When I looked over at him, he was just as happy as ever.  He had no clue what had just happened.  He will not have any recollection of this episode on New Year’s Day, but I will always be grateful for it, and grateful for him.

 

Beautiful Baby Boy

October 4, 2018 will be the day that forever changed my life.  I knew motherhood would be special, but I did not comprehend how great it could be.  I once joked that I did not have the patience for kids.  In middle school, I even said I would likely throw them through a window.  It turns out I was wrong.  Of all the things I have tried in my 33 years, I think mothering comes most natural.

That’s not to say I haven’t had challenges.  From the beginning, I have struggled with producing breastmilk.  The first person who suggested I had insufficient glands was my doula.  I spent the entire first weekend nursing my newborn baby, and I didn’t realize he was still hungry.  We saw orange in his diaper, and she said that he could be dehydrated.  She reassured me that I did everything right in preparing to breastfeed, and that sometimes the body just does not cooperate.  The first tough decision as a mommy was choosing to supplement with formula.

He was less than a week old when we began supplementing.  We started a routine: nurse for thirty minutes then supplement with formula. We did that every three hours around the clock.  Fortunately, my doula is also a lactation consultant.  She taught me the techniques to use in order to avoid nipple confusion, and she encouraged me and supported me throughout the grueling process.  We did finger feeding for the first few weeks, then we tried a supplemental nursing system.  We finally introduced the bottle after the first month, and it has been a lot easier.  Thankfully, he goes from bottle to breast without a problem.  We nurse in the middle of the night or in the mornings.  We send formula to daycare.  I pump throughout the day at work so that I can give him more breastmilk in the evenings.

My husband was a rockstar from the very beginning.  He elected to take eight weeks off of work for family leave.  We enjoyed the time together getting to know the new human in the house and trying to figure things out together.  He got up every morning and made us breakfast.  He made sure we nursed every few hours in order to maintain and build my supply.  He woke up in the middle of the night to finger feed the baby formula with a little surgical tube.  If ever I questioned why I married that man, all doubts went out the window when I saw his dedication to the baby and me during that time.

Balancing parenthood and being a good spouse is not something I have figured out.  Lack of sleep is a contributing factor, but I cannot use that excuse every time.  I’ll never forget when I questioned my husband about watching television while I was caring for the baby.  His response was, “what do you want me to do, twiddle my thumbs?”  No, sir.  I just wanted you to help.

Help can come in a lot of ways for a new mom.  Several friends and family members brought food after the baby was born.  That was helpful.  My girlfriends called and texted to check on me.  That was helpful.  But what did I really need?  Reassurance from my husband.  I wanted my partner and my baby’s father to let me know I was doing an okay job.  I wanted him to tell me that I still have value.  I have great confidence in my parenting skills, but the rest of me feels lost right now.

Am I still a good wife?  Have I lost my appeal?  Can I still do all the things I once did while my brain, my body and my hormones are still out of balance?  I know I am, I haven’t and I can.  It’s just hard to process.  Marriage is hard.  Parenting is hard. Being a working mother and wife is hard.  Being a breastfeeding, breast pumping, working mother and wife is really hard.  When I went back to work, several people asked me how I was handling it.  I wasn’t sure how to answer them then, and I’m still unsure how to answer them now.  I have to remind myself that I’m not the first working mother and wife nor will I be the last.  Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

 

 

Comparison is a Thief, but Gratitude Will Bring You Joy

Theodore Roosevelt once said “comparison is the thief of joy.”  It certainly can be.  In addition to stealing your joy, comparison can breed jealousy and contempt.  Teddy Roosevelt wanted people to find joy and gratitude in their own lives without comparing between one another.

Comparison can also be the thief of grief.  Without realizing it, you can discount your own feelings based on the fact that someone else has it a lot harder than you.  This was the beginning of my grief in 2017.  Spoiler alert: I was pregnant, but I’m not pregnant anymore.

Journal entry, October 4, 2017

     “We found out we were expecting a baby one month ago on September 4, 2017.  It was Labor Day, and I took a home pregnancy test first thing in the morning.  We’ve kept it a secret so far, and we’re trying to wait until Thanksgiving to tell our families.

     We’ve already talked to both our moms about coming over for Thanksgiving this year.  We’ve never hosted Thanksgiving, so it should be a big clue for them.  On September 9, we went to Lafayette to see a movie with my mom.  The restaurant we chose for lunch was right next to a Hallmark store.  David picked out a Christmas ornament while I shopped for my mom’s birthday card.  The ornament has a place for a sonogram photo and it says “My First Christmas.”

     I started envisioning our family months ago.  I bought a little onesie at Target last spring. I also bought a little wooden sign that says, “Dream Big, Little One.”  I’ve been keeping those things in the spare room just waiting for the time to decorate.

     Within the last few weeks, we have talked a lot about the nursery.  I want framed photos of animals from the Galapagos Islands displayed on the wall.  Since the room is already painted a bold blue color, the photos will look great in white frames.  I bought a large world map canvas at Hobby Lobby and I want to hang it above the baby’s bed.

     The intended nursery has a daybed in it, and David’s most concerned about the furniture fitting in the room.  I think the daybed needs to stay, but we’ll see if it all fits.

     Last week, we had our first doctor’s appointment.  The doctor congratulated us, did an ultrasound and drew some blood.  By the afternoon, he called and said he needed to see me again.  He was concerned because the sonogram technician did not see a fetal pole.  With the pregnancy hormone levels at 42k, they thought they should be able to see a little baby, or at least a fetal pole.  The doctor ordered more blood tests in 48 hours.

     We left town for vacation and decided to do the blood tests in Madison, WI on Monday.  By Tuesday morning, my doctor had the results and called us with an update.  The levels rose, but not as much as the doctor had hoped.  He expected the number to have doubled, but instead the hormone levels were at 59k.

     The doctor wants to see us again for a sonogram as soon as we get home.  I haven’t experienced any pain or bleeding, so I’m still hopeful we have a normal pregnancy.  We’ll know next week. ❤ “

Upon returning from vacation, the doctor saw us on October 11.  He did another sonogram and confirmed his diagnosis.  There was no baby and this would not be a successful pregnancy.  He called it a Blighted Ovum.  Basically, the sperm found the egg, the fertilized egg implanted in my uterus, but it never made a baby.   It’s hard to characterize it as a miscarriage, but I haven’t found a better term for it.  We didn’t lose a baby.  We lost the hope and dreams and idea of the baby that we thought we were expecting.

The next couple of days went by really quickly.  The doctor informed me we needed to schedule a D & C, a surgical procedure to remove the products of conception.  David brought me to the hospital for that surgery, and, once it was all done, the doctor said we could try again in a couple months.

I’ve compared my situation to a hundred others, and I know it could’ve been worse.  Comparing my situation to more severe cases only diminishes my feelings.  It takes away from a healthy grieving process.  Losing a pregnancy at any stage is a terribly hard thing to go through.

Instead of allowing comparison to steal my grief or my joy, I’m focusing on gratitude.  I’ll be forever grateful for a spouse that supports me in endless ways.  I’m grateful for the joy and anticipation we shared during those weeks we were expecting.  I’m grateful for that vacation to Wisconsin allowing us to spend time strengthening our bond.  I’m grateful to our friends and family that have been supportive through this difficult time.

 

Galapagos Islands: Vacation Diary for the Trip of a Lifetime

On a Friday night last September, we were up very late packing and searching for our wedding video.  We make it a point to watch our wedding video every year on our anniversary.  For our fifth anniversary, though, we were leaving the country.  We had to find the video before we left in order to pack it.  After turning the whole house upside down, I finally found it in a keepsake box in the top of an extra closet.  We packed up the video and the laptop so we could watch the video in Ecuador!

We only got a few hours of sleep before the alarm went off.  We drove to Laplace and Nicklaus brought us to the airport.  Poor thing had to be up at 4 a.m. on his birthday. Once at the airport, we got checked in without a problem.  Next stop: Panama City, Panama! The flight to Panama was four hours, and I slept through most of it.  We were offered a hot breakfast with eggs and sausage.  We landed in Panama for our five-hour layover and sought out a place for lunch.  In the airport, we found dozens of retail shops, but not many restaurant options.  We finally boarded the plane to Quito, Ecuador and anxiously awaited takeoff.  This flight had tv shows to watch on built-in monitors.  David watched “Dual Survivor,” while I watched “Friends.”  We enjoyed hot meals on this flight as well.  David chose the burrito and I had a chicken sandwich.

When we landed in Quito, Ecuador, our guide, Pablo, was waiting for us.  He assisted us with our baggage and transported us to our hotel, Vieja Cuba.  The drive to the hotel lasted about 45 minutes.  Once we arrived at Hotel Vieja Cuba, Pablo escorted us inside to get checked in.  We got our room key, which was attached to a wooden spoon, and headed upstairs to room 4.  We thought about going out to dinner, but ultimately fell asleep.

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On Sunday, we explored the city of Quito.  We woke up at 6 a.m. to get ready for the day.  We went down for breakfast at 7, and were surprised at the options presented to us.  We had eggs, toast, granola, yogurt, blackberry juice, coffee and fresh fruit.  We later learned they alternate the fresh fruit options.  Watermelon and banana were served on our first day.  Pablo was at the hotel at 8 a.m. to begin our tour.  We spent the next six hours adventuring and taking in spectacular views.  As we drove through town, Pablo told us about the history and geography of Quito.  He took us to the top of a hill for a great view of the entire city.  We saw a huge statute of a winged virgin and took a lot of photos of the city.  We attempted to go into a residential area for photos, but 3 dogs scared us away.  “Cuidado perro,” we heard.  And so, we backed away.  The next part of our tour took us through the old town on foot.  We walked by the great square, the government palace and many street vendors.  We visited multiple churches including San Francisco and Compania.  We visited a store with tunnels which were full of merchandise, carvings and pottery.  The final part of the tour was to see the middle of the world.

Ecuador is named so because the equator runs through it.  There is a location in Ecuador marked 0’0″0″ calculated by travelers in the 1800s.  In 1975, though, American soldiers brought GPS technology to Ecuador and marked the exact location about 200 meters away.  The first location is marked with a monument called, “The Middle of the World.”  The other location also has a museum and guided tours.  We saw examples of scientific phenomena only experienced at the equator.  At the equator, there are no weather extremes.  The weather is always the same: sunny and hot.  We both attempted to balance an egg on the head of a nail, and to walk in a straight line.  Both are harder than they seem.  For lunch at the equator, we tried two local dishes: empanada and boloney. The empanada had chicken and vegetables in it.  The boloney consisted of cheese surrounded by a dense ball of flour.  After the tour, we were delivered back to the hotel.  I took a long nap while David watched the 49ers game.  When I awoke, I wasn’t feeling well.  I presumed it was heat exhaustion, but was not sure.  We attempted to go out to dinner at Achiote, but we had to leave because I was sick.

David ordered a local dish, “cui,” which is cooked Guinea Pig.  I ordered ceviche, and later learned the locals do not have ceviche at dinner.  It’s typically consumed at or before lunch.  We brought our food back to the hotel room in carry-out fashion.  We ordered two appetizers: locros and llapigachos.  Locros is a potato soup topped with cheese and avocado.  Llapigachos are mashed potato balls.  David drank guava juice at the restaurant, which he had never tried before.  We were not disappointed by any of the juices.  I attempted to order chicha, but they were out at the time.  When we returned, I went straight to sleep.  David ate the Guinea Pig and then watched football before going to bed.

Monday was our travel day to get to the Galapagos Islands.  We had to catch a very early flight, but not before grabbing breakfast at the hotel restaurant.  We had granola, yogurt, toast and strawberry juice to drink.  The server brought me some warm milk for my coffee.  They sent us on our way with two local bananas and we met our driver, Paula.  She delivered us to the airport and escorted us inside (thankfully!) through the check-in process.  We boarded our flights at 8:30 en route to the islands.  We stopped in Guayaquil to drop off passengers and refuel.  After reloading the plane with more passengers, we were on our way.  We had a cold deli sandwich for lunch along with beverage service.  No in-flight entertainment was offered, but thankfully David brought the iPad.  He played solitaire while I wrote in my journal.  After flying in to Baltra, or Seymour Island, it is necessary to take a ferry ride to Santa Cruz.

When we arrived, our driver was waiting for us, but he did not speak English at all.  Thankfully, another passenger with us was fluent in both English and Spanish.  We later learned her name is Andrea.  She informed us we would be having a tour of the Highlands of Santa Cruz after we get checked in at the hotel.  On the drive to the hotel, we saw giant tortoises roaming around, even in the road!  We noticed the climate in the highlands was humid and cool.  We arrived at Hotel Ninfa and had lunch at the hotel restaurant.  We had fish with a unique raisin sauce on top.  We also had rice and a small salad, which we learned is customary.  Our tour of the highlands began at 3:30 p.m.  Raul was again our driver, and he was not afraid to speed or to pass other drivers on the roadway.  Adriana was our guide.  When we arrived at the ranch, we were escorted to the “boot house” to get rubber boots for the tour.  Because of the rainy season, it can get very muddy. We walked along a trail and saw giant tortoises roaming freely around the property.  There were fences representing boundaries, but the tortoises frequently roam on either side of the fences.  We saw some small birds, but the tortoises were the main attraction.  One tortoise even followed us around the property!  There is an area for the tortoises which resembled a mudbath and we saw several tortoises there.

At the end of the trail, we were able to visit lava tunnels underground.  Some areas were completely dark while others had artificial lighting.  It was fascinating to see the lush greenery at the entrance compared to the bare surfaces within the tunnel.  After the lava tunnels, we were offered lemongrass tea and/or coffee.  Adriana ordered one “bolon,” and shared with us. David was not a fan of the bolon.  We did the “tourist” thing and climbed into a huge tortoise shell.  It was very funny to watch us get in because you have to back in while lying on your stomach.  After the refreshments and photo opportunities, we made the drive back tot he coast where our hotel was located.

Adriana suggested we try Kioskos Street for dinner.  We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. When we asked for directions, Adriana said we could “follow our noses” because the food smells so good.  Fortunately, Kioskos Street was not far from our hotel.  Upon our arrival at the beginning of the street, we realized the whole street was a dining area.  Vendors lined the street on both sides while tables and chairs occupy the street.  men and women both accosted us with menus and fresh seafood trying to get us to choose their kiosk.   We walked down one side of the street and up the other side of the street before selecting “The Blue Booby.”  David had a meat dish with rice and I enjoyed fried fish with a giant beer.  My Pilsener, a local brand, was 400 ml.  David drank Fanta at most meals.  After dinner, we walked to a local shop to rent our wet suits for the snorkeling trips.  We also had some local ice cream.  I had coconut and David had almond.  We quickly discovered we would not go hungry on our trip of a lifetime.

Tuesday morning, we met in the lobby of our hotel for our next adventure.  We walked a short distance to the dock and took a water taxi to our boat for the day, “Bite Me.”  Jorge, our amazing guide, talked with us about the wildlife and the surprises in store for the day.  We rode in the boat taking in the beautiful sights for about one hour to Santa Fe Island.  The captain was on level two and we sat with him for a bit to take photos.  We saw blue-footed boobies from the boat and several sea lions and iguanas resting on the rocks.  Then, it was time for my favorite vacation activity: snorkeling!

We put on our wetsuits and prepared for the cold water.  The ocean was a beautiful, clear blue.  My underwater camera came in handy on this excursion.  We saw a lot of fish on this first snorkel and only one sea lion.  We got back in the boat and the chef on board served sandwiches and hot cocoa.  The next stop for snorkeling proved to be very exciting!  We found a group of sea lions which were very playful.  Jorge brought a life preserver with him, and the sea lions had a field day playing with the ropes attached to it.  They even nibbled on our flippers!  David must have looked appetizing because one sea lion bit him on the arm.  It was my favorite story to tell throughout the whole vacation.  Not many people experience a bite from the sea lions, and the locals were very surprised.  Thankfully, David took it all in stride.  It was not a severe injury, but it did get his attention!  We boarded the boat again and had fresh fish with rice for lunch.

On our last stop, we visited a beach with several marine iguanas.  We saw lava crabs and even a sea turtle! He poked his head above the water periodically, floating lazily along with the tide.  The boat ride back was uneventful.  We visited with new friends, Norbert and Simona, from Austria.  We cleaned up for dinner and visited Kioskos Street again.  This time, we had lobster and grilled meat with grilled corn.  We also enjoyed local fruit smoothies.  I enjoyed the corn so much, I could’ve eaten it every day!  It was served with salt on the outside and a mayonnaise sauce for dipping.  There was no room for dessert after that meal!  We visited the supermarket to get aloe vera, but they were closing.  Fortunately, we found a cafeteria on the upper level, and they served the best hot cocoa.  We met a lovely American girl working the cafeteria register.  She came from Kansas City and was traveling throughout South America on a long-term basis.

On Wednesday, we had another tour scheduled.  We started the day with a hotel breakfast, complete with meat, rice, yogurt and granola.  We met in the hotel lobby again for our tour and walked to the dock.  Eddie was our trusty tour guide, and Armondo was the boat captain.   One of the best things about the bay tour was “Las Grietas,” a beautiful secluded area with clear water for snorkeling and swimming. It was a narrow, deep body of water with rock formations on both sides.  We met a friend from Germany, Alissa, who did not bring a wetsuit.  She must have been cold in her bikini, but she did not let it slow her down.  We snorkeled there for a long while, even swimming under rock tunnels to see more wildlife and scenery.  We made our way back to the boat and snorkeled with sea turtles and sting rays.  Armondo was the best underwater photographer I could’ve asked for. He swam faster and deeper than me and was able to catch great photos of the sea life.  We had a small snack on board which consisted of crackers and a soda.  We decided we needed to have lunch once back on shore.

After cleaning up at the hotel, we went to Cafe Hernan for lunch.  We ate an all-American lunch, complete with pizza and a hamburger.  We had empanadas for an appetizer and they were prepared differently than the ones in Quito.  The crust reminded me of a hot pocket, and I was not disappointed!  After lunch, we hailed a taxi to take us to Charles Darwin Station.  It was an interesting exhibit which included land tortoises and a museum.  Basically, you can visit at your own pace.  It was very informative.  David thought the tortoises looked sad because they were in captivity.

After our visit to the Charles Darwin Station, we headed back to the supermarket.  David had a cheeseburger while I enjoyed coffee with ice cream.  We found a local bakery with large cookies displayed.  I ordered a banana cake and David had cookies.  The banana cake slice came with a passion-fruit sauce, which I didn’t love.  It was too strong and took away from the banana flavor.  We quickly learned milk is not sold by the gallon, but yogurt is sold by the gallon.  We bought some milk from the supermarket to go with our baked goods.

On Thursday, our early breakfast consisted of sausages and onions with rice.  We met in the lobby at 6:45 and we walked to the dock for our 7:30 departure.  The boat was called, “Splendor,” but the ride to Isabela Island was anything but splendid.  The water was rough, the boat was enclosed and everyone was nauseated.  We finally arrived more than two hours later.  The island of Isabela is far less populated than Santa Cruz.  The streets weren’t paved, either.  This island is obviously less developed than the area where we had been staying.  We traveled to a beach and then to the turtle breeding center.  We learned that turtles take four to five months for incubation, and that efforts are being made to repopulate the tortoises of the Galapagos. We had lunch at a local restaurant which served breaded shrimp.  Afterward, we headed back toward the dock.  After some discussions and $75 extra, I convinced the guide to let us on a boat to go see Galapagos penguins.  We saw one penguin!  It was worth it!  We also had the opportunity to snorkel.  I found two sea turtles and several fish on my snorkel adventure.  The ride back to Santa Cruz was also a terrible two and a half hours.  The locals said this time of year causes rough waters, but I would bet the enclosed boat makes it rough ride year-round.

After we returned our wetsuits, we took a taxi to Isla Grill.  I enjoyed the tuna with oyster sauce and David had steak.  We ordered chocolate fondue and enjoyed fresh fruit for dipping.  At the end of the meal, we were offered complimentary coffee.  We went souvenir shopping on our way back to the hotel and then packed our suitcases for the trip back to the mainland.

Friday morning, I woke up with the sun.  I walked to Tortuga Bay which was about 3 Km from the hotel.  It was well worth the trip!  There was a long path leading to the beach from the road.  There were a few people exercising along the way, but it was not crowded.  I walked the length of the first beach to the second beach taking several photos along the way.  I found birds, iguanas, and even a young sea lion playing in a lagoon.  I tried to do yoga, but the sand was very unsteady.  I managed a few handstands and headstands before heading back to the hotel.  There were several visitors heading toward the beach as I headed back toward the road.  When I got back to the hotel, we finished packing and went to the cafeteria for breakfast.  My breakfast sandwich consisted of eggs, meat and ranchera sauce.  David had crepes with meat and cheese.  We met with Raul and Andrea at 9:30 and headed to the airport.  We made one awesome stop on the way to the airport: Twin Craters.  We learned that the craters were not volcanic as we suspected.  Instead, they were the result of unsteady earth collapsing after the cooling of magma below.  The remainder of the trip to the airport was uneventful.  We visited with Andrea, a local.  She lives in Guayaquil, Ecuador, but was raised on the islands.  She studied English for nine months in Boston, and works as an architect.

On our flight to Quito, we had sandwiches, but we were still hungry by the time we got to the hotel.  Paula was our driver and she asked several questions about the trip to the Galapagos.  We ordered dinner once we arrived back at Hotel Vieja Cuba.  I had onion soup, risotto and grilled chicken.  David had caprese, pasta and some of my chicken.  Everything we tried was fabulous.

Happy Anniversary! 

Saturday, October 1, 2016 was spent exploring the mountains, and it was an unforgettable experience.  We started our day with an early breakfast.  Pablo was waiting for us at 8:30 a.m. to begin the tour.  We drove a long distance to Cotopaxi National Park.  Along the way, we visited a local market.  It was an outdoor area with stalls for vendors.  We saw lamb, both raw and grilled, along with several fruits and vegetables.  We had corn tortilla snacks with cheese and onions (4/$1).  We also learned that locals purchase rice and potatoes by 100 pound sacks!  We continued driving toward the national park, but bad weather was approaching.  We did not see the snow-capped peak of the volcano, but we learned a lot about volcanic activity from Pablo.

We traveled to a Hacienda on the other side of the park.  They welcomed us with Canelaza, and alcoholic beverage with cinnamon.  We waited for lunch in a cozy living area by a fireplace.  Lunch was served around 1 p.m.  We shared an appetizer of yucca balls and toasted corn.  We had potato soup with avocado and cheese.  Our entrée consisted of chicken and rice.  Finally, for dessert, we shared chocolate cake.  All this food, and we were expected to go horseback riding!  We dragged ourselves up to go outside and were outfitted to look like local cowboys, or “chagras.”  We had ponchos and special pants for the ride.  We rode for a long time in the off-and-on rain, but it was very pleasant.  David’s horse was either lazy or stubborn, but he was very slow.  My horse, Chiclet, was leading the way.  When we got to the top, we had a quick view of Ruminahuai, but the fog rolled in very quickly.  We took some photos with the chagras statues at the top, then we headed back to the ranch.  Pablo indicated it was very important to get back to the gate by 5 so we can drive through the park.  If you miss the timing, you may be forced to drive around the park rather than through it.  We barely made it!  I slept on the drive back because I was not feeling well.

We both traveled with formal wear so that we could dress up on our actual anniversary.  We had big plans for a fancy anniversary dinner, but we didn’t make it.  In the end, David ordered pizza to be delivered to the hotel.  It was quite an ordeal for David to order pizza in a foreign country.  He went to the front desk clerk for assistance and ordered something akin to a meat-lovers pizza.  He wasn’t expecting the dough, cheese and meat to be completely different than his “American” style pizza.  He said the dough tasted like crackers and the meat tasted like lunch meat.  There was no marinara sauce on the pizza, either.  It was edible, but it wasn’t his favorite.  We kept with the tradition and watched our wedding video before falling asleep.

Our trip to the Galapagos Islands was absolutely unforgettable. We want to go back and see more of the islands, but we both know this was a trip of a lifetime!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Drinking & Driving: Why I Chose Sobriety Six Months Ago

Christmas parties can really do a number on you, especially when there’s an open bar.  You can be the life of the party and the talk of the town, for better or for worse. It’s all fun and games until you’re swerving your way home, hoping to get there safely.

I’ve heard all sorts of tips and tricks to avoid this scenario:

Set a drink limit, they say.

Call for a ride, I’ll come get you.

Alternate your alcoholic beverages with water.

There’s just one little problem with these “solutions.”  They all require me to think clearly and make reasoned decisions once I’m already drinking.  I did have a plan.  I had a limit of two drinks. I did not adhere to my own limit, and I lost count of how many beverages I actually had.

I was the last one to leave the Christmas party.  I shut the place down.  I could’ve called my husband for a ride, but it was late and I didn’t want to inconvenience him.  He would’ve been very disappointed in my inability to adhere to my two-drink limit.  I decided in that moment not to call him.

I’m a lawyer, a trained professional.  We have professional and ethical duties to consider in all our decisions.  We have to take continuing education courses, some of which focus on substance abuse.  Lawyers are heavy drinkers, that’s no surprise.  But are lawyers responsible drinkers?  I was not.

I’m also a wife, and hopefully, one day, a mother.  My husband is not a drinker.  As I woke up the morning after my Christmas party, feeling quite ill, I wondered how upset my husband would be.  He knew where I had been.  He knew there would be an open bar.  He knew I should not have driven home.

Thinking back six months ago, there were a lot of “what if” scenarios driving my decision to quit drinking.  What if I had gotten in an accident?  What if I had gotten arrested?  What would I do if I lost my license to practice law?  The most crushing and realistic question at the time was, “what if my husband leaves me because of my drinking?”

All this is too much of a risk, I decided.  If I can’t drink responsibly, I just won’t drink at all.  That was December 9, 2016.  I wasn’t sure at the time whether it would be a permanent decision, but I knew something needed to change.   On February 25, 2017, my decision became a permanent one.  Our family lost a sweet little girl in a drunk driving accident.  Samantha was six years old.  We’ve spent months grieving her loss, and we still cannot process the pain and unfairness of losing her in such a way.

Drinking and driving is a choice.  Make better choices.  Don’t drink and drive.

To Lose a Sibling, for Better or for Worse

It is with a sad heart that I write today about the loss of a relative. My cousin, Travis, died in a car accident at only 27 years old. He was a brother, a son, a father, and an Army veteran. He did three tours in Afghanistan, receiving multiple medals in his eight years of service.  There are a lot of broken hearts in our family right now, and among the men and women with whom he served in the military.

I don’t deserve to be sad. So many people knew him much better than I did. They have the right to grieve. I barely knew him. Travis and his little sister, Hollie, moved away from our home state of Texas when we were children. My mom moved us to Louisiana when I was only 6. I can say distance was a factor. Sadly, it was deeper than that. For a long time, our parents didn’t have a relationship. Travis’ mom was accused of wrongdoing to another family member, possibly theft. I never knew the details. All I knew is that she was cast aside as the ‘black sheep’ of the family. Being the ‘black sheep’ meant that her offspring were cast aside as well.

As adults, Travis and I reconnected on Myspace. He thought my side of the family didn’t like him, or his sister. I assured him that wasn’t the case. I have no grudge to hold because, like him, I was a kid when our parents stopped talking. We were the victims of our parents’ poor relationship. We cleared the air, and we maintained contact afterward. I should have reached out more.  I should have checked on him.

He went through a lot of life changes, including a divorce, a career change and a subsequent move to Florida. He has two beautiful little girls. He was arrested last year, though I’m not sure of the details. He was very open and emotional in Facebook posts about his situation. It was apparent that he loved his children, and he was proud of his military service. However, he had a lot of personal battles. My only hope in this moment of despair is that he is at peace, wherever he is.

I’m saddened on behalf of his little sister because I, too, am a little sister. The bond between siblings is an unusual thing. My brother and I, only 18 months apart, bonded normally as children. We fought. He picked on me, and I cried. I threw things at him, and he threw them back, often with better aim. He and I had a hard transition into a healthy adult relationship. It turns out you can’t communicate as adults with “lick for lick” punching games. Well, you can, but you shouldn’t.

Sibling relationships are strong, but not always healthy. There are times, regrettably, we go without speaking. To lose a sibling at this stage in my life would be devastating. To lose a sibling unexpectedly would be even worse. To lose a sibling I stopped talking to… that would be guilt from which I could not recover.

The moral of the story is this: mend your relationships to the best of your ability. Life is short. Decide which relationships matter to you, and make them a priority.

https://www.gofundme.com/2jx3u7tw

Bad Judge

Today, I take issue with politics and bureaucracy. I am fiercely independent. I am a strong, principled woman. I intend to do the right thing regardless of the consequences threatened.

Threatened I was earlier this year when I dared to question a sitting judge. An indigent client was held in contempt and sentenced to jail without an opportunity to be heard, without due process. The law provides he should have an opportunity to be heard. I sought to have that decision reviewed by a higher court. The process is built into the law. If you do not agree with the trial court’s decision, you can seek a writ of review to a higher court. To initiate the process, however, I had to tell the problem judge what I planned to do. Understandably, he did not like it.

He advised “pick your battles, Ms. King.”

“Life’s short, you know…”

“Do you really want to burn bridges over this?”

“Are you sure you want to do this, Ms. King?”

Unsurprised by his discontent, I advised him I planned to move forward. He barked at me, questioning why I would fight such a miniscule issue. Jail time is no joking matter, nor should it be trivialized. If you or your loved one were incarcerated for 30 days without due process, this issue would be of primary importance. I advised the judge it is an important issue because this man was sentenced to jail time without an opportunity to be heard. It is a constitutional, due process problem, and it needs to be addressed. If the judge does not give the accused due process, who will?

Then, the ultimate threat came: “Have your boss call me.” This did not concern me at first. I knew my boss had given me the approval to seek supervisory jurisdiction. I had no doubt that my boss would support me in whatever conversation ensued. I was wrong. I was dead wrong.

I was at the post office with my package in hand, addressed to the Court of Appeal. I had already delivered a copy of the filing for the district attorney. I had the courtesy copy for the judge ready to drop off after lunch. I received a dreadful text from my boss: “DO NOT FILE WRIT.” He had talked to the judge on the phone. Unfortunately, the robed ruler wins again.

My heart pounded as I walked with my head lowered out of the post office and back toward the courthouse. I decided to bring the judge his copy of the writ, not only because it would be the talk of the courthouse by the end of business that day, but also because I wanted him to know he was not acting within the law. I walked into his office, fully expecting to drop off the papers to his staff. However, he opened the door and invited me in.

What followed was a barrage of insults and attacks on my professionalism and character. He advised that I needed professionalism classes, that I made the wrong choice in preparing the writ, and said “young lady, if this is the way you intend to practice law in this jurisdiction, good luck.” When he asked if I agreed that I should have gone about it a different way, I said, “no.” I stand by my decision.

He then told me, “you just don’t get it.” We agreed to disagree and we parted ways.

I do get it, sir. I ‘get’ that you do not want to be questioned. I ‘get’ that you were offended that I, 20 years your junior, dared to question your knowledge and/or application of the law. I ‘get’ that our profession is run by aged men, and you believe “young ladies” should not disrupt the status quo.

The next week I turned 30. I refused to apologize for my actions because I maintain I did nothing wrong. I hold my head high every time I enter the courthouse. I am just as much of a lawyer as the next person, male or female, regardless of age. I deserve respect, too.

Sad day to start a blog…

I attended a memorial service this morning for a dear friend of mine – a father, a husband, a chef and an uplifting spirit to everyone around him.

There’s a big difference between losing a life and taking a life.  My friend took his own life.  I find it difficult to grieve knowing he chose this path, as opposed to many who lose their life having no choice in the matter.  I’m mad at him.  How could he do this to his son?  His wife?  As mad as I am, I can’t help but remember him for the positive influence he was.

I worked with him doing catering during the four years I attended college.  He was more than a supervisor to me.  He was a mentor.  He taught me a lot about the food service industry.  More importantly, he impressed upon me certain life principles which I will never forget.  He had quite a work ethic.  Whether it was college football games or late-night fraternity parties, he was always willing to put events together and see them through.  Late nights and early mornings plague many chefs.  However, my friend did it all with a smile on his face.

It amazed me how understanding and supportive he was during final exams when I couldn’t work as much as usual.  Or when I got another job working in a restaurant – only to return to catering when it didn’t work out.  He was patient and kind.  He would never ask any of his employees to do something he wouldn’t do.  Going to work with him was unlike any dreadful job I’ve ever had.  We had fun together.  We gossiped, we laughed, we sang.  He was an encouraging voice, a positive influence and a good friend to me.

Less than a month ago, I visited his restaurant, which recently reopened.  I had the crawfish beignets with sweet potato fries.  It’s funny how little you think any certain decision matters.  My decision to go to his place, rather than any other in town, is now one I am very grateful for.  I got to see him, hug him and tell him how wonderful my meal was.  Little did I know, it would be our last encounter.

February 26

I’m warming up my leftovers now 🙂 The crawfish beignets were delicious, and the appetizer of crawfish hushpuppies was the perfect starter! You guys are doing great and I can’t wait to come back to That Place!!!

 It was so nice seeing you again T.  February 28 at 9:58am

It was great seeing you, too!  I’m so proud of you and excited for you!  February 28 at 1:06pm

My thoughts and prayers remain with his family.  While I worked closely with him for four years, his wife was with him nearly twenty years.  His young son lost his fishing partner, his role model – his daddy.  I can only imagine the pain they are experiencing.