30 June 2016
Dear Bernard,
I am taking your advice. Many years ago, you told me not to work too long in public defense, that it would wear on me. You should know. You did public defense work most of your life, and it wore you down. Now, I’m worn out, and I’m ready for something new.
I went to law school so I could be in a position to help people. I thought public defense was the best way to achieve that goal. However, I was not fully prepared for the consequences of my decision. I was not prepared for the battle to prove myself to my clients and my colleagues. People often question whether or not I’m a “real lawyer.” I smile politely and confirm that I went to law school and passed the bar exam, just like my “paid lawyer” friends. Those are the uninformed folks. I almost enjoy the stereotype, because it means they underestimate me. The bar is set so low, I am bound to impress them.
The problem persists, though, when professionals join in on the stereotype, and even benefit from it. Attorneys and judges alike perpetuate the problem by taking advantage of or demeaning local public defenders. The judges appoint us willy-nilly, creating unreasonable case loads. Then, certain private attorneys speak ill about our qualifications and/or willingness to help. Finally, the judiciary routinely offers better deals to clients represented by private lawyers rather than public defenders. To make matters worse, the judges handle public defender cases last on court dates, which means I spend hours of wasted time in the courtroom. Public defenders are undervalued and under-appreciated in the current system.
How can I convince my clients they are in good hands under these circumstances? I am fighting an uphill battle, and I’m tired. I’m worn out. If you were still here, you would probably tell me I’m too young to be worn out. I cannot deny my feelings, and I respect myself too much to continue working in this environment.
I have learned I cannot control the general perception of public defenders. I can control my career, though. I want you to know I’m opening up a private practice. I will continue my efforts to help people, and I’ll be a much happier person. I’ll take your advice, and I’ll continue on my path to make a difference.
tperrynola 